What is Love? (Baby don't hurt me)

Hello, my dearest readers.

I hope you had a great Valentine’s Day!

Put the pint of ice cream and films down. Let’s talk about what the day is about: Love. A miraculous feeling we rarely catch and ever rarely keep. I’m so curious how you have celebrated it. Did you have fun? Go out for a meal? Stay in for a cosy movie? If you didn’t have a romantic partner, did you celebrate with friends? Treat yourself to something nice? I ask this because Valentine’s Day often overlooks other forms of love that aren’t romantic which are equally worth celebrating. One simple, yet somber, way of looking at this is that other forms of love don’t sell. Nothing has been more timeless than a couple. We have read it in our children’s books and seen it in our most classic movies. It leaves little surprises to see today’s brands banking on this day to pocket extra money. Consequently, Valentine’s Day becomes less about a day of love and a competition of grandeur. Who got the bigger bouquet or the bigger box… of chocolates (what do you think I meant?) 

To spite marketability, let’s learn a little more about love so we can do a little more loving and a little less buying chocolates you might not finish. 

Love comes in many forms, yes, but let’s focus on the four main forms of love: agape, philia, storge, and eros. These concepts come from Greek origins and have persisted ever since. 

EROS

The passionate, romantic and/ or more intimate bond between two people to the point where it could border mania. Unsurprisingly, the most popular goes first. When we first think of love, we often think of those epic love stories that never age, like Pride and Prejudice, The Notebook, and every other kid’s book that featured a Happily Ever After. But, romance doesn't make the whole picture. In the midst of our modern expectations, I think we have forgotten the most important part of this: the passion. Where is the hero Bonnie Tyler talked about? Because all I’ve seen from my friends are dating pools so dry it sounds like people have never known hydration (or a shower). In a world that craves human connection or otherwise, people aren’t very good at it. It's a weird landscape of “wyd”, “idk”, and the worst ideas of communication. We need to be honest with ourselves and others because it will lead us to the right people. Life is too short not to love but we also need to be transparent in what we want so we can find it sooner rather than later.

AGAPE

The unconditional, universal love for others and the world around us. This concept is popular for a different reason due to its most well known places in modern belief systems. And well, that is totally working out in our favour. It is neither romantic or platonic, but rather compassion for others despite our differences. In today’s war-raging climate, I think we need a lot more of that. Do they know they are also fighting people? What for? As Sun Tzu once said, ‘There is no instance of a nation benefitting from prolonged warfare.’ This is where unconditional love comes in and it doesn’t take much. We can volunteer in our local communities; open discussions to raise awareness; donate to causes that help those suffering, and find ways to support starting groups rather than larger corporations. These actions alone are examples of unconditional love. The best part is that we are not limited to those acts alone. We can do so much more and I would love to learn more ways to be more active in a local community. I think that’s the beauty of this kind of love. It’s unlimited when we come together as a community. We don’t need to know each other to understand who is suffering and who needs help. It may take time but I think the world can change for the better. And that alone is the first step to fulfil this universal love.

PHILIA

The strong platonic bond between friends (and the first part to the name of an American state). A bond between friends is just as valuable as familial because these are the people that pick us as much as we pick them. Sisterhood, brotherhood, whatever we want to call it, it’s a beautiful love to experience. At times, it feels like we take for granted how important friendship is. I want to dedicate this segment to the friends I’ve had before and the ones I have now. It’s no mystery we may not be able to keep everyone in our lives. It’s natural for others to come and go when something else is calling them. Sometimes it’s amicable and bittersweet and other times it is messy. REALLY messy. But something undeniable is that they teach us some things we may never realise ourselves. I learnt to be more attentive and swallow my pride to be there for someone even when times are hard on both ends. Even though they might not stick around to see the change, they are the people that will inevitably change us. For those who stick around, that alone is a demonstration of love. They stick around during the messiest times; call you out when you do something a little too stupid, or put you in a trolley in a quiet parking lot and drive you around for fun (true story). It’s unfortunate that, as we grow older, we don’t see each other as much anymore. I live more than two hours away from my original little city. But when I go back to see friends, it’s like nothing has changed. 

STORGE

The love for family. It feels traditional from how it’s expected to love our immediate family. It’s unfortunate to say that not all families will be as loving as we hope. However, it isn’t limited to blood relations and applies to found family. Parental figures, sibling figures, they should be celebrated just as much. As a second generation Filipino immigrant, it was hard to find somewhere I belonged. I didn’t exactly look like my classmates so the feeling of isolation was something I, and many more, knew all too well. Those troubling moments never truly lasted when I found myself surrounded by a community. I called them ‘tita’ and ‘tito’ (auntie and uncle) and none of them were related to me by blood. When we gathered, I remembered the tables were never empty and I never left without the plastic takeout boxes full of steaming food, hearing laughter, or listening to some kind of gossip. In turn, they treated me like their own too. They gave me advice, unsolicited or not, comfort, and the kind of enjoyment that was rare to find otherwise. These people, people who travelled thousands of miles away from home like my parents, somehow found a way to make a corner of the world their own for themselves and people like me. I tell you this because we are never limited to those who made us. The communities like the one I just mentioned should be celebrated as the anchor points for the homesick. They are so crucial to us because they remind us that, no matter how far we travel away from what we know, we always have some kind of home to come back to.

It’s no mystery that love is a miraculous thing. It’s sudden and blissful and a thing we never live our lives without. No matter what form of love we feel, either passionate and intimate, platonic, familial, and/or unconditional, they all deserve to be celebrated.

Stay whimsical, everybody.